I wish......

Sleep is a natural state, yes? Then why does my body fight it? I want to do it. It sounds good. It feels necessary. I prepare myself carefully at night. I read until my eyelids are too heavy to hold open...this is my long time tom-foolery trick to go from day to night so I don't lay in bed thinking of all that went wrong or right during the day, or make plans and lists in my head. So my eye lids are too heavy, I usually take one more drink of ice water, go to the bathroom (I tell you its a total routine and the professions tell you you must have a routine so your body knows when its bedtime!) and at this point sometimes that was jsut a little much and I have to read a bit more, but if I am lucky and was able to stay tired through my trip to the bathroom (hahaha) then I flip my bedside lamp off, arrange my pillows appropriately and...hope.....for......the....best. Unfortunately there has been no best for the past couple of weeks. The moment the light goes off I am suddenly wide awake. Its like a big mean trick. So I lie there for a while pretending I will be able to fall asleep. Keep in mind, I have generally taken a sleep aid, to no avail. So after as long as I can handle it, sometimes 10 minutes, sometimes an hour...I flip the light back on and read some more and the cycle continues....eyelids get heavy, light goes off--SUDDENLY!...they are as light as feathers. Traitors. Both of them. I am on sleeping pill number 6 I think. This kinds that is. Can you believe it? I take a sleeping pill and lie there awake all night. My body just plain doesn't want to sleep. Well I suppose thats not true, part of me does at least only the other part clearly isn't cooperating.

One of my professors in college told us that sleeplessness had the same effects on your body as alcoholism.

Hmmm.

Well, I have had these cycles before, so at least I know it won't last forever, but it is bothersome while it is happening. I'd like to lay down like the rest of the normal world, close my eyes and fall asleep.

While I am on it, I would like to get up in the morning and feel decent and have energy too. LOL

So those are my wishes! Sleep, energy and just plain feel good.