Rug Pulling

Today was such a strange day.

Have you ever had the rug pulled out from under you? In my adult life this has happened just a handful of times.

The last time time was when my parents moved. They moved here with us and this summer they moved to live closer to one of my sisters. I was sad. I was never all for the plan. I still am not completely on board but I am one that thinks people should and are able to make their own decisions so I did support them in that. Although I was sad, I felt it would be a bit of a relief.

I was in no way prepared for the two weeks of tears. The whole in my heart that seemed so endlessly void. I didn't realize that I had become closer to my dad than we had ever been. I didn't realize that I had a friendship with both my parents that no one else could ever fill. The moment I put them on the plane the flood gates opened and they stayed open. If anyone even mentioned my parents, or if I had a fleeting thought, out poured the tears. I ached for them. Ached.

There was nothing in me that wanted to stand up and fight for something different-I knew that wasn't my place. I simply needed to find a way to accept what was to be.

I have that same empty feeling today. And I never would have guessed...

....the event...or how it would effect me.

Last week at church we were told to please be at church, there would be an announcement made that would be important.

Indeed.

I didn't sleep last night. At all. I don't know why. The night before I slept fabulously well then last night I layed there all night long so by morning I was dizzy and going to church wasn't high on my priority list. However, setting a good example for my daughter was. Also, at about the moment I had myself nearly talked into staying home, I remembered the "announcement." So, ok, those two things were enough to get us ready and get us to church, where the rug was pulled right out from under me.

Of course we had all speculated briefly about what might be coming. Our ward is quite small in people although large in area so some thought the boundaries might be rearranged a little. I wondered if we would get a new Bishop. I love our Bishop but I think he's been in for a while. I don't think anyone was ready for the news (unless they had inside information.)

AS they announced that our ward would be completely dissolved, I kep trying to make sence of it in my mind and couldn't. It seemed like foreign verbage. I turned and whispered to Wayne that I didn't understand at which point it clicked and in question form I rephrased to him to see if I had understood correctly...? Surely not. Only I had. And I could not have forseen how it would effect me. I felt like I was being evicted from a comfortable warm home. I have had complaints about the running of the ward lately-I could list them, name them one by one... but I would take them all to stay "home."

I have no doubt that it is the right thing. It's quite logical really. Our ward doesn't have enough people to run it properly, and neither does Haines. And I feel the same as when I parents left, there isn't anything to fight against. It's simply the right thing that feels really really sad.

So the down low is that our ward was composed a number of years ago, before we were in it and looks liek 2 squares that meet only at corners. So now where the freeway divides it now will not only divide up into seperate wards and stakes (how our church divides congregations and organizes church families.) So most of my friends will now go to the other ward. And by most I mean pretty much all except one. (Thats you Kristine.) But I am pretty sure Kristine has family in our new ward so maybe she will feel right at home? I don't know...how are you feeling K?

I feel all kinds of crazy. All over the board. Very sad. A littel excited about new things, but maybe it was so sudden and not my idea...I am mostly feeling sad, like I am losing something. We have al lost are callings and our place.

I am nervous for Allori. She is so shy and just loves her primary teacher, Sister Croasdell. I had a talk with her that Sister Croasdell will only be her teacher for one more week and she seemed ok, but I know her....it won't be ok when we get to church. (I am not being negative-I use swim lessons, dance lessons, etc as a basis for this assumption.) lol. I will work on preparing her. :)

On another note, I will start to focus on the good things to come. There will be new friends, new callings, new activities, etc. Right?