There are all kinds of support.
Boob support. Who is not a fan of this? This is the ONLY positive part of bras really. Ok, and that they don't knock ya out if you happen to have to run a step or two. But that's it. Those are the only two positive things. Men like it because it is easy on the eyes although we want to pretend no one is looking and women like it for self esteem due to the above mentioned reason. It's a cycle.
Customer Service Support. This comes in many forms, generally non english speaking as of late. This makes everyone happy. I am all for multi-lingual, would just prefer to understand the words being spoken to me. Picky...I know.
Support may also come in the forms of corroborating, sustaining and advocating to name a few.
But now I would like to talk about the kinds of support we have received in this difficult time. We have seen support in the form of food, prepared carefully to nourish our weary bodies. We have seen support in the form of kind words and endless prayers. We have seen support in phone calls and sometimes in the lack of phone calls, when people know we are too tired and too sad to give updates. We have seen support in keeping others updated for us, in taking our calls for us and sometimes returning them. We have seen support in chores done and children fed and lovingly put to bed in the first weeks when we were unavailable for those things. We have seen support when we have called in needs and have had them met nearly immediately. We have had tiny clothes and other gifts arrive in the mail with loving notes. We have felt support when we are spiritually uplifted and assured that our beautiful baby will make it out of this in a miraculous way.
I would never...could never have imagined the system of support that would pop up in our moment of need. Albuquerque has not felt like home to me in any way except in the people we have known. Still, I would never have expected or even thought we would be cared for so carefully and so lovingly. I cry as I type this because this touches my heart in a way I cannot express.
Thank you for being God's angels on earth. Thank you for your thoughtfulness and kindness. Thank you for making Cayde's difficult entry into this world a little easier and lot more loving. I have again been assured that Heavenly Father loves us and is thoughtful of our every need.
Monday, July 27, 2009
Thursday, July 16, 2009
Cayde 9
Cayde was doing fantastically well. I suppose I was waiting for a big list of things wrong...but that never came. He was little and his lungs were not developed of course, but that's it...he was otherwise perfect and healthy. How is that possible? I kept asking myself and thanking God altogether.
On my way from recovery to my room in OB Special Care, my sweet nurse arranged to take me into the NICU briefly to see my little son. They rolled my bed right up to his...my emotions were all over the place. I asked in a very desperate voice if I could touch him. "Of course."
He was soo beautiful! I remember thinking that about Allori too. Each baby seemed so perfect, so tiny....Allori seemed tiny in all of her 6 lbs 11 oz. Cayde put a new meaning on tiny.
I was only able to be in there, near him for a couple of minutes. Everyone of them was perfect.
On my way from recovery to my room in OB Special Care, my sweet nurse arranged to take me into the NICU briefly to see my little son. They rolled my bed right up to his...my emotions were all over the place. I asked in a very desperate voice if I could touch him. "Of course."
He was soo beautiful! I remember thinking that about Allori too. Each baby seemed so perfect, so tiny....Allori seemed tiny in all of her 6 lbs 11 oz. Cayde put a new meaning on tiny.
I was only able to be in there, near him for a couple of minutes. Everyone of them was perfect.
Monday, July 13, 2009
Cayde 8
Cayde was whisked from the room but they did get Wayne's attention so he could get a brief glimpse. It wasn't even long enough for him to get me to look that direction. I held tight to that tiny little cry I heard. I knew he was ok. Heavenly Father had let me know he would be ok and he was.
They finished doing whatever they were doing to my body. It felt like they were rocking me up and down. It was weird and I kept getting sea sick. Nausea was abundant. The anesthesiologist placed a little dish between my head and Wayne in case I was going to heave. Wayne joked that he would prefer it be on the other side. Always the funny guy!
I had no idea that they had stapled me up. Had I thought that was a possibility I would have requested something different. I feel staples are wrong....especially in the event they are holding flesh together. I feel ok about them and their relationship with wood. The last time my abdomen was cut open the surgeon sewed it up with dissolvable stitches both inside and outside. That was satisfactory to me.
Later Wayne said, "How could you not know they put staples in ya?! It sounded like a construction zone!" At which point he made dramatic staple noises. Lovely.
When I was close to finished up, which didn't take long, I was taken to a back alley....I mean a weird deserted recovery room with my nurse. Just her and I. I was doing that funky shaking thing. It lasted for a couple of hours. They said most women do that after having a baby. I think it's interesting that it happened after both my babes were born because one was a natural delivery and one was a Cesarean section. So apparently it has to do with hormones. After my first delivery I thought it was due to the trauma of pushing a child from my body. Apparently I was wrong. It happens occasionally.
Wayne was taken to the NICU where he spent a good amount of time with our brand new miracle. He took the sweet set of pictures of Cayde with the coins next to his hand and the one with Wayne's hand next to Cayde. I cried and cried when he showed me. Wayne's mom walked in as we were looking at the photos. I was still shaking and I felt sudden relief to see her. It was a pretty big thing for her (and Wayne's little brother) to come down from Blanding, Utah. Allori had been at home with my brothers who were visiting from Illinois. Porter was at respite. Taking care of two kids would have been a bit much to ask of my little brothers. My mother in law would be able to take care of my kids without me having to worry about making arrangements, etc. A huge relief for me.
They finished doing whatever they were doing to my body. It felt like they were rocking me up and down. It was weird and I kept getting sea sick. Nausea was abundant. The anesthesiologist placed a little dish between my head and Wayne in case I was going to heave. Wayne joked that he would prefer it be on the other side. Always the funny guy!
I had no idea that they had stapled me up. Had I thought that was a possibility I would have requested something different. I feel staples are wrong....especially in the event they are holding flesh together. I feel ok about them and their relationship with wood. The last time my abdomen was cut open the surgeon sewed it up with dissolvable stitches both inside and outside. That was satisfactory to me.
Later Wayne said, "How could you not know they put staples in ya?! It sounded like a construction zone!" At which point he made dramatic staple noises. Lovely.
When I was close to finished up, which didn't take long, I was taken to a back alley....I mean a weird deserted recovery room with my nurse. Just her and I. I was doing that funky shaking thing. It lasted for a couple of hours. They said most women do that after having a baby. I think it's interesting that it happened after both my babes were born because one was a natural delivery and one was a Cesarean section. So apparently it has to do with hormones. After my first delivery I thought it was due to the trauma of pushing a child from my body. Apparently I was wrong. It happens occasionally.
Wayne was taken to the NICU where he spent a good amount of time with our brand new miracle. He took the sweet set of pictures of Cayde with the coins next to his hand and the one with Wayne's hand next to Cayde. I cried and cried when he showed me. Wayne's mom walked in as we were looking at the photos. I was still shaking and I felt sudden relief to see her. It was a pretty big thing for her (and Wayne's little brother) to come down from Blanding, Utah. Allori had been at home with my brothers who were visiting from Illinois. Porter was at respite. Taking care of two kids would have been a bit much to ask of my little brothers. My mother in law would be able to take care of my kids without me having to worry about making arrangements, etc. A huge relief for me.
Saturday, July 11, 2009
Cayde 7
There were A LOT of people in the delivery room. At least 5 from the NICU, 2 from anesthesiology, a handful of nurses, it seemed like there were quite a few doctors and every time someone came to talk to me and tell me some other portion of what was happening or going to happen it was someone new. One of the NICU people told me that they would be whisking Cayde off immediately and taking him to "the room right over there in the corner." I could see no room but trusted it was in fact there. They said if Cayde was stabilized we may be offered a brief glimpse as he was then whisked from said corner room to the NICU. There were a lot of if's like that. By that point it had really started to bother both Wayne and I.
several hours prior a NICU nurse had come into my room to talk to Wayne and I about what to expect from the NICU, from having a baby so gestationally young and the like. She rattled off in a lovely memorized speech all sorts of information. Of which I could process very little with the kaleidoscope vision and accompanying headache. I remember a few things that she said, two of them resound in my head unwelcomingly. The first was this: "We cannot guarantee your baby will live." After that point I heard nothing else except her final statement: "You didn't cry..." I also heard the judgement in her voice. I burst into tears and looked at Wayne begging him silently to help me out of this situation, willing him to remove this woman from my presence that I might never see her again.
I had been crying a lot of the day. I suppose i didn't realize there were set times that i was supposed to cry. (Heavy on the sarcasm.) The nerve of this woman! She says first that she cannot guarantee my baby will live....then places judgment on my tears, or lack of tears. Could she seriously have thought that it hadn't crossed our minds that our baby might not live? Do I look like such a stupid woman? Surely not so much....
Of course we asked no person for a guarantee.
I have and continue to beg God for the miracle of keeping my son, that he will overcome all of these early obstacles...for him to be healthy and strong...for him to have the desire to fight for his shot at life.
Part of me feels this is entirely selfish....I cannot help it.
several hours prior a NICU nurse had come into my room to talk to Wayne and I about what to expect from the NICU, from having a baby so gestationally young and the like. She rattled off in a lovely memorized speech all sorts of information. Of which I could process very little with the kaleidoscope vision and accompanying headache. I remember a few things that she said, two of them resound in my head unwelcomingly. The first was this: "We cannot guarantee your baby will live." After that point I heard nothing else except her final statement: "You didn't cry..." I also heard the judgement in her voice. I burst into tears and looked at Wayne begging him silently to help me out of this situation, willing him to remove this woman from my presence that I might never see her again.
I had been crying a lot of the day. I suppose i didn't realize there were set times that i was supposed to cry. (Heavy on the sarcasm.) The nerve of this woman! She says first that she cannot guarantee my baby will live....then places judgment on my tears, or lack of tears. Could she seriously have thought that it hadn't crossed our minds that our baby might not live? Do I look like such a stupid woman? Surely not so much....
Of course we asked no person for a guarantee.
I have and continue to beg God for the miracle of keeping my son, that he will overcome all of these early obstacles...for him to be healthy and strong...for him to have the desire to fight for his shot at life.
Part of me feels this is entirely selfish....I cannot help it.
Wednesday, July 8, 2009
Wayne
Can I tell you what an amazing man I married? Too often I am too quick to complain about the little things, but boy when the big things come around, I would always choose him to be on my team. When we were in the hospital...oh I mean when I was in the hospital...it seems like it was a we cause the man never even thought of leaving me. (And I was there a full week!) A couple of times I asked him to go take care of arrangements for the kids but other than that he did not leave to eat, to sleep, to do anything....he was there for me 110%. It was so comforting knowing we were in this together. He never once complained and every moment made me feel like I was his number one priority. Even when the baby came, he made sure I was always taken care of. I don't know if I can explain to you or to him how comforting and wonderful this was for me. It was a scary time for both of us. But it was incredible to be a team and to have one another to lean on.
One morning he got in the shower and a few minutes later three nurses rushed my room. They scared me! One of them quickly asked if I was alright. I looked down at the call button/light and saw it was lit, I did not hit it so I was a little confused and said that yes, I was fine. I was trying to gauge the situation. I wasn't quite sure what was going on.
"Are you sure?"
"um, yeah."
"Is there anyone in the bathroom?"
"Um, yes my husband is in the shower." (Still VERY confused and nervous that we would get in trouble for him using the shower. We used the don't ask and hope for the best policy.)
She runs to the bathroom and turns the doorknob but does not open it, it was happening much too fast for me to process-you know with the pain meds and all. She let go of the handle but she grabbed it again and again let it go. Her face showed she was in tremendous turmoil. It was taking everything she had to NOT open that door. She asked through the door if he was ok and explained to him that he must have pulled the emergency string. Hahahaha. Still she is trying to turn the handle, it was very difficult for her not to go in. I teased Wayne that he was looking for some excitement...he almost got some too. (He would have been soooo embarrassed. Can you imagine a nurse walking in on a naked shy Wayne? Hahahah!)
One morning he got in the shower and a few minutes later three nurses rushed my room. They scared me! One of them quickly asked if I was alright. I looked down at the call button/light and saw it was lit, I did not hit it so I was a little confused and said that yes, I was fine. I was trying to gauge the situation. I wasn't quite sure what was going on.
"Are you sure?"
"um, yeah."
"Is there anyone in the bathroom?"
"Um, yes my husband is in the shower." (Still VERY confused and nervous that we would get in trouble for him using the shower. We used the don't ask and hope for the best policy.)
She runs to the bathroom and turns the doorknob but does not open it, it was happening much too fast for me to process-you know with the pain meds and all. She let go of the handle but she grabbed it again and again let it go. Her face showed she was in tremendous turmoil. It was taking everything she had to NOT open that door. She asked through the door if he was ok and explained to him that he must have pulled the emergency string. Hahahaha. Still she is trying to turn the handle, it was very difficult for her not to go in. I teased Wayne that he was looking for some excitement...he almost got some too. (He would have been soooo embarrassed. Can you imagine a nurse walking in on a naked shy Wayne? Hahahah!)
Elevator Etiquette
Seriously? Does this need to be addressed? Come on people.
Let me set the stage. You have a 4 foot by 5 foot elevator. It's empty. The doors open and in walk 3 people. One (we will call her the easily annoyed one for obvious reasons) steps to the back left corner seemingly leaving a good portion of elevator left for other patrons. The other two walk to the back and stand directly in the center of the back wall. The easily annoyed one notices and thinks this is weird that they choose to stand so close to her. She feels like it is a million degrees and desires no touching. NO touching. The closest woman to the easily annoyed one oddly steps closer to the easily annoyed one, pressing her arm against her. Weird right? So she takes a step forward leaving everyone ample room. The lady moves also...taking a large step TOWARD the easily annoyed one. I know...it's not the woman's fault that the first girl is easily annoyed. Also not her fault that she feels it's a million degrees and thinks she is so hot she may combust. All not her fault...however....Is it necessary to lean against me when we have an entire elevator? (I know you are totally surprised it is me.)
So I say in the nicest voice I can drum up which is asking a lot right now, "Would you mind if I had a little room please?" Look, it was nicer than punching her and somehow it did come out sounding pretty pleasant. I was trying..ok? She kindly apologized and stepped slightly away. I am a fairly touchy person but really...? A stranger in the elevator? not so much.
So i think there should be a list of rules in the elevator. This is obviously an issue. LOL
Elevator Etiquette:
1. Do not touch strangers unnecessarily.
Ok, really that's all I got right now. Feel free to add your own. (And yes I see the future repercussions of limiting human contact in yet another formal way....I am just saying...use a little judgement ok?)
Also I think they should add a bench. I have nearly passed out in the elevator several times now.
Let me set the stage. You have a 4 foot by 5 foot elevator. It's empty. The doors open and in walk 3 people. One (we will call her the easily annoyed one for obvious reasons) steps to the back left corner seemingly leaving a good portion of elevator left for other patrons. The other two walk to the back and stand directly in the center of the back wall. The easily annoyed one notices and thinks this is weird that they choose to stand so close to her. She feels like it is a million degrees and desires no touching. NO touching. The closest woman to the easily annoyed one oddly steps closer to the easily annoyed one, pressing her arm against her. Weird right? So she takes a step forward leaving everyone ample room. The lady moves also...taking a large step TOWARD the easily annoyed one. I know...it's not the woman's fault that the first girl is easily annoyed. Also not her fault that she feels it's a million degrees and thinks she is so hot she may combust. All not her fault...however....Is it necessary to lean against me when we have an entire elevator? (I know you are totally surprised it is me.)
So I say in the nicest voice I can drum up which is asking a lot right now, "Would you mind if I had a little room please?" Look, it was nicer than punching her and somehow it did come out sounding pretty pleasant. I was trying..ok? She kindly apologized and stepped slightly away. I am a fairly touchy person but really...? A stranger in the elevator? not so much.
So i think there should be a list of rules in the elevator. This is obviously an issue. LOL
Elevator Etiquette:
1. Do not touch strangers unnecessarily.
Ok, really that's all I got right now. Feel free to add your own. (And yes I see the future repercussions of limiting human contact in yet another formal way....I am just saying...use a little judgement ok?)
Also I think they should add a bench. I have nearly passed out in the elevator several times now.
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