Overage-overage...warning

Some days don't quite go like you plan. That isn't good for us planners. (Right Jesse?) When one births a child under 2 lbs-that day just doesn't turn out like one plans. It's different. That one was miraculous. Since that day there have been lots-lots of days, almost 4 months worth....and the one I have been looking most forward to is the one where I could bring that little miracle home. It came on Tuesday. Tuesday was wonderful. The days since have not been.

They are not going as planned. I am completely overwhelmed. I am still completely in love with my beautiful Cayde but I am so overwhelmed.

I have slept about as much as I expected. :)

My son is beautiful.

My schedule is anything but what I would have thought. (I will go into this in a later post)

My family is larger than ever but Cayde and I are so alone. (That is not a depressive comment-that means no one knows how to do his stuff but me! Wayne is too busy to learn-maybe that's an excuse on both of our parts, I don't know. I feel confused about this.)

I am very very very overwhelmed.

We have already called 911 once. (Please please let that be the only time.)

Here was my big clue that I was not doing so well: My saint of a sister in law said she would do dinners til the ward kicked in to do them. We told her the ward was starting. I got a call last night at 5:45 saying she got busy and there would be no dinner. I thanked her politely and hung up the phone and promptly cried. I could deal, Cayde has milk but I needed to feed the rest of my family and what as I supposed to do at dinner time with no time to plan or do? (She was not trying to be mean I am certain-I am just tapped out on stress is all.) And it killed me that my sister in law totally had it taken care of! but we cancelled...

So when the news of lack of dinner caused tears I knew I was tapped. I think I have handled all of this quite well. Quite well. We have been incredibly blessed and I think I have kept that really in perspective, but last night and today-boy and I am just tapped. lol.