Change of Placement

Well there have been some changes in our family lately.

Israel's dad has complained about us from the beginning. I honestly feel that it had very little to do with us and had everything to do with his not being in control. He is old world Mexican. So, he wants the woman to do the work, as he says to do it....and that's it. Keep in mind that Israel would not have even been put in care except that dad denied being the dad when CYFD showed up. The complaint was against the mother and the dad lived elsewhere, just happened to be watching him at her house when they showed up to check things out. He denied being the father saying he was the uncle. No one knows why. He also kept handing the baby to the investigator saying he needed to go to work. Because of those things, they needed to verify paternity and from there the dad has proven to be a problem.

At first he complained about smaller things that CYFD could just kind of ignore. He said Issy was sick all the time. He is congested all the time but it's allergies and there is very little you can do for that, for a babe. I had him checked out routinely for this. He also did not like that we had dogs. (He told the Social Worker it must be a cultural thing-apparently we are white so we have dogs, no other culture does that? The funny part is the SW is Hispanic also and she said to him, "Actually I have dogs too, and they are inside dogs."hahaahah.) He thinks I put Issy to bed to early (7:30-8:00). There were lots of complaints like that. However he acted like my friend and I went above and beyond by letting him call to check on Issy and see him an extra time each week. This was not convenient for me but I felt it was best at the time for Issy and his dad and family. However when the complaints continued and my stress level stayed high, I cut off communication with the dad. He still got to see him at his appointed visits, etc. but I did not answer calls or make arrangements for extra visits.

Things seemed to calm down.

Until a month or so ago.

A little more background info. Issy is a bit of a clumsy kid. He didn't crawl or move much when he got to our home at 11 months old. I think this was a combination of a couple of things. First he is just a bit delayed. Drug baies are sometimes. Second, no one was giving him naps or putting him to bed early enough so with a lack of sleep how does one learn and grow and do the things he needs to do? Once he was on a nice and appropriate schedule he picked things up pretty quickly. He walked at about 15 months. (His family expects nothing from him though so he wouldn't walk for them for like 2 months after that. They didn't even know he could walk. Interesting, no?) He would do lots of things for us that he would not do for him family, like give kisses, do small chores like putting his clothes in the dirty clothes, etc. Anyway, he is still not terribly stable on his feet, like I said, a little clumsy. So he falls and bumps things. I don't think this is a big deal, he will get better as he goes.

Another issue is he is kinda mean to other kids. My theory is that his family spoils him so much (they seriously expect nothing out of him-if he throws a Ball, he will point to it and they will go fetch it for him, they expect nothing and just set him down and serve him. It's odd to me.) So he shares...well, not very well. Less well than most kids. I know all kids have a little trouble with this, but he really struggles, He takes toys, he hits when someone won't just give up the toy they are playing with cause he wants it. He is a Little bit mean. (I know this sounds liek a normal child, but he is a bit extreme at each of these things.) So, in turn sometimes the other kids, like at daycare, will lash out at him in frustration. To me it's kind of a natural thing to do. The SW agrees that he is aggressive. She has observed him being aggressive on a number of occasions. In fact they told a recent respite provider he is aggressive. Interesting.

Here is where the issue comes in. His dad started calling in every bruise as a referral. Meaning we would be investigated for child abuse, every. time. Everytime he got hurt or got a bruise. Seriously? Yes, seriously. In two weeks we were investigated like 4 times. Every time it was cleared. Every time it was unsubstantiated. Every time it was incredibly stressful. Every time showed us it wasn't going to end. It was scary. He even mentioned sexual abuse to the therapeutic school he was going to. WHAT?!?!?!?!? That was snubbed out right away thank the good Lord. The best we can figure is he is deflecting in the worst kind of way. A lot of biological parents will complain incessantly because somehow to them it makes them look not so bad. I have seen other situations like this. Usually CYFD will have a meeting with everyone and explain to the bio parents the damage this can do to the children, that it in fact will not help anyone and usually it gets some better. CYFD, even though they cleared every. single. thing. they dropped the ball and did not talk to the father. It kept going, the stress seemed to not end. We didn't know what to do, the complaints and investigations kept coming. It was very scary.

We had quite a bit o support although admittedly it did not feel liek it. All three of the SWs that are in my home each month were incredibly supportive and said plainly that they ahd no concerns about us or our care of the children. The investigator said the same thing, The kids lawyers said the same. However, when it hits this kind of extreme it goes to everyones supervisors and none of them know us. In fact two of them have issues with us becasue I fight har for y kids rights and that seems to rock the boat a bit. So they did not have suport for us. So even though everythgin was cleared those poeple, the supervisors seemed to treat up like criminals. (Jerks. lol)

Finally we asked for him to be moved. It was very sad for us. I have never asked for a child to be moved before, I don't think it's good for the kids. I don't think it was the best thing for Issy. But I do fel that it was the best thing for our family. Part of me feels liek I gave up on him. I adamantly stand against moving kids from foster home to foster home. However I also stand firmly in the position that we must, absolutley must protect OUR family.

Now he has to get used to a new family, etc. But what else could we do. I was sooo stresed I was nervous it might effect my baby. It was definitely effecting our family and home.

They sent him to respite for the weekend (last weekend) then asked the respite provider to take him as a placement. They told the family he was probably going to adoption soon. This family is only looking for adoptable kids. They lied to her. He is not going up for adoption. I doubt he ever will. The dad isn't doing great but he is not doing badly enough that they will not return the babe to him. My SW told her that when she (the new foster mom) came to pick him up so she knows they lied to her but she is still hopeful. That's not fair to her. I hate that they work that way. The placement worker was desperate enough to get him placed quickly that he lied to her. I can't handle things like that.

Our home is suddenly more peaceful. I don't think you notice as it gradually gets more stressful until it's too much. We love Issy and we miss him but I believe this is what's best.